Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Dr. Harley gives us the 10 needs for every man and woman and what to do when trust has been broken.

Ryan Latham

April 17, 2023

Read or Download the Transcript for Episode 77

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ABOUT Dr. Harley:

Dr. Harley is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including His Needs, Her Needs, Surviving an Affair, He Wins, She Wins. You can find resources including video curriculum for churches and small groups on the webpage. There you will find practical solutions to almost any marital problem.

Connect with Dr. Harley

Bridge Builder Ministries

Books mentioned in the episode:

His Needs, Her Needs

His Needs, Her Needs For Parents

He Wins, She Wins

Surviving an Affair


Episode summary

Marriage counselor and author Dr. Willard Harley discusses ways to strengthen a marriage and prevent infidelity. Dr. Harley is the author of several books on marriage and has been counseling couples for over 50 years.

Dr. Harley begins by addressing the issue of infidelity, which he says is one of the most common reasons why marriages end. He notes that while some people may be more prone to cheating than others, infidelity can happen to anyone if the conditions are right.

According to Dr. Harley, the key to preventing infidelity is to build a strong emotional connection with your spouse. He explains that many people cheat because they feel neglected or unloved in their marriage. By strengthening the emotional connection, couples can reduce the likelihood of infidelity.

Dr. Harley suggests several ways to build this emotional connection. One is to spend quality time together regularly. This means setting aside time to do things that you both enjoy, without any distractions. It could be something as simple as going for a walk or having dinner together.

Another way to strengthen the emotional connection is to show appreciation for your spouse. Dr. Harley explains that many people feel unappreciated in their marriage, which can lead to resentment and distance. By regularly expressing gratitude and acknowledging your spouse's contributions, you can help them feel valued and loved.

Dr. Harley also emphasizes the importance of meeting each other's needs. He explains that each person has certain emotional needs that must be met in order to feel fulfilled in the relationship. For example, some people need physical affection, while others need verbal affirmation. By understanding and meeting each other's needs, couples can build a stronger emotional connection.

In addition to these strategies, Dr. Harley also recommends setting boundaries to prevent infidelity. He explains that many affairs start innocently, with a friendly conversation or casual meeting. By setting boundaries around these interactions, couples can reduce the likelihood of crossing the line into infidelity.

For example, Dr. Harley suggests avoiding one-on-one meetings with members of the opposite sex, especially in private settings. He also advises against sharing personal information or intimate details with someone who is not your spouse.

Dr. Harley acknowledges that some people may be skeptical of these strategies, arguing that they are too simplistic or unrealistic. However, he emphasizes that these strategies have been proven to work in his decades of experience counseling couples.

He also notes that the benefits of strengthening your marriage go far beyond preventing infidelity. A strong, healthy marriage can improve your physical and mental health, increase your happiness, and provide a stable foundation for your family.

Dr. Willard Harley provides valuable insights into how couples can strengthen their emotional connection and prevent infidelity. By spending quality time together, showing appreciation, meeting each other's needs, and setting boundaries, couples can build a strong foundation for their marriage and reduce the likelihood of infidelity. These strategies are not only effective in preventing infidelity but can also improve the overall health and happiness of the relationship.

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