If you have ever wondered how to help fill your spouses love “bank account,” here are 45 ways.
A strong and healthy relationship is essential for a happy and fulfilling life, but it is especially crucial for pastors who are responsible for leading and guiding their people. Unfortunately, many pastors in America struggle with marital problems, leading to high rates of divorce, affairs, and even considering divorce. As spiritual leaders, we need to lead ourselves well first. The affects of a damaged marriage will affect our own spiritual life, professor and dean of the Billy Graham School of Missions says, “an affair by a pastor can have far-reaching consequences, including damage to the pastor's own spiritual life." According to a study conducted by the Schaeffer Institute, 50% of pastors' marriages end in divorce, and 23% of pastors have admitted to having an affair*.
These statistics are concerning and highlight the importance of maintaining a strong relationship with our spouse. The concept of a "love bank account" is a helpful tool to illustrate this point. It refers to the emotional deposits that one partner makes into the other's emotional account by fulfilling their needs and making them feel loved and appreciated. If the bank account runs low, there is not enough money to make a withdrawal. If the money runs out, and a withdrawal is taken, there is a penalty. The same can be said about our emotional bank account.
Watch Dr. Harley, the author of “His Needs, Her Needs” outline the 10 needs of men and women.
As you know, when a pastor's marriage is in trouble, it not only affects their personal life but can also impact their ability to lead their church effectively. Eugene Peterson says, "The effects of a pastor's affair can be long-lasting, with some members of the congregation struggling to trust future pastors or even the church as an institution." Therefore, it is essential to prioritize meeting the emotional needs of our spouse to maintain a strong and healthy relationship, not only for personal fulfillment but also for effectiveness in our ministry.
Maintaining a strong and healthy relationship requires effort, time, and energy from both partners. Love is a choice, not only a feeling. Love requires intentional action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Here are some general ways that can help you fill your partner's Love Bank Account and make them feel loved and appreciated:
Remember, every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. It is essential to communicate with your partner to understand their emotional needs and to work together to build a strong and healthy relationship.
1) Choose one of the numbers above and do that for your spouse today.
2) Share this list with your spouse and ask them to choose their top suggestions.
3) Share with an accountability partner which actions you want to take to make investments in your spouses love bank.
4) Pray for (and with) your spouse.
The 4 areas of romantic needs (Worksheet)
His Needs, Her Needs (book)
Bridge Builders Marriage Ministry (coaching and counseling)
The Couples Adventure Challenge (date ideas)
52 Cheap Dates at Home (cards)
The Love Dare (a 40-day challenge)
* The study by the Schaeffer Institute is titled "Marriage and Family Trends Among Pastors" and was conducted in 2011. It surveyed 1,050 pastors and can be found on the institute's website here: https://www.schaefferinstitute.com/marriage-and-family-trends-among-pastors/.